But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
