She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize