I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
