Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
