dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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