Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the day after is always just damage control
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
