I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
