Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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