An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
