you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How external is "for external use only"?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
