she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
