i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
