I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Even my vagina gasped.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
