i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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