im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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