I smell stomach acid.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
