ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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