here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
