She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
