I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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