dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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