I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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