i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
