i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
