Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
