apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
