you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
