Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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