did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
