I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
