I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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