It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I FOUND THE LEGS
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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