So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
