nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw a hot homeless man
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
