my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
