i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
