We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize