My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
