I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
