He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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