I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
