never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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