My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
