I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
