she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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