The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
