so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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