oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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