i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
