ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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