between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
