u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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