Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
