she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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