You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
