More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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