this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
