she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
