What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
