This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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