Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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