I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wear drunk well.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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