Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
