i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
