my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
