I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
