you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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