I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
