He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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