I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
