She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
