i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
