I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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