Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
