she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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