I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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