the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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