Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
