I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
